The Empty Nest: Your Last Child Is Leaving Home.

As summer comes to an end, some parents are facing an empty nest. Their last child is
heading off the school away from home or out on their own with a new job or career. It’s
supposed to be a happy time for parents. Their work, raising kids and seeing them off to
their next chapters in life, is supposed to be a satisfying accomplishment. The truth is, this
is a time of mixed feelings, for parents as well as their child.

It’s called Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS). It isn’t really a medical diagnosis but is a term that
explains what many parents experience when their last child leaves home. Some of the
feelings are positive – happiness, a sense of accomplishment, pride in your child. Some
uncomfortable feelings may include sadness, loneliness, stress and anxiety about your
child being on their own. This is a significant shift from the day-to-day care and connection
with your child to an empty bedroom and quieter home.

For most parents, this experience is short-lived lasting a few months. Parents generally go
through three stages:

1. First is grief, experiencing the sadness with a chapter of parenting coming to an end. This
   can last as little as a few days to a few months.
2. Second is relief. The main job of raising your child is finished. Now your child is responsible
   for their choices going forward. There’s a freedom in that and with it comes a willingness to
   move forward with your own life in new ways.
3. Third is joy. Parents begin a new chapter in their adult lives – focusing on their careers, new
   opportunities to explore, more community involvement, learning a new language, art
   classes, travel. Make a greater effort to spend time and re-connect with your
   spouse/partner and friends.

Remember: This is your child’s adventure. They are usually more excited than parents and
may also have mixed feelings about leaving the nest. You and your child may feel
concerned about adjusting to a new environment, new friendships and the demands
related to school or career. Be supportive and encourage your child to look at situations
positively and make good choices. Avoid hovering. For several years I was an administrator
of a college student health center. Some parents had difficulty adjusting to their child now
being considered an adult. The responsibility and accountability for their decisions,
communication and daily life is now in the hands of your 18yr old. Avoid calling daily,
attempting to solve their roommate problems and rescuing them. Encourage them to reach
out to student life staff for guidance.

Though it was an important time, there’s more value to you beyond raising your kids.
Parents have a purpose in this world besides parenting. Figure out what that is for you,
given your gifts, skills and your passions. How can you make a positive difference in the
world around you? Be open to the possibilities!